I’m going to apologize in advance for my poetic nature when I write.  I’m not very good at articulating what I’m trying to say and will admit it’s much easier to describe things when I’m comparing them to something else.

That being said, I’m here to talk to you about one of my favorite places.  

I understand why people are drawn to the ocean.  It’s beautiful. It’s wild. It’s always changing and moving.  It’s utterly fascinating. The salty kiss the wind leaves on your lips.  The wet sand molding around your feet. The game of TAG the waves play with you when the water rushes to touch your ankles and quickly recedes back in hopes it’ll turn around and see you chasing it back into the current.  The way the sun warms you just enough to make the bone chilling wind just bearable. In a lot of ways, the ocean makes you feel like a kid again.

Now that I’ve covered why I think other people love the ocean, I’m going to talk about the whole depression-related reasons why I do.

First off, I will refer to Depression with a capital “D” because I feel like it’s a living thing.  It’s something that follows me around and sits heavy on my shoulders and yells inside my brain and pulls me back into my bed and keeps me company late at night when I can’t sleep.  To me, it’s my best friend and my bully. So there’s that.

Moving on!

If you’ve ever struggled with Depression, you may resonate with the quote, “Depression is like drowning, except you can see everyone around you breathing.”  I feel that. It’s difficult to watch other people be so happy when all you feel is this overwhelming sadness, loneliness, helplessness, and so on and so forth with all the other symptoms that come with Depression.  

Drowning, indeed.

When I’m feeling my lowest, the one place I want to be is, you guessed it, the ocean.

Let me explain why.

The ocean, most of the time, is quiet.  The waves roll back and forth in a steady rhythm.  The wind blows just cold enough to keep you from falling asleep to the sound of the water rolling into itself and running along the sand on the beach.  The tides are predictable… enough.

However, the ocean has a darker side.  It’s known to cause some serious damage.  Hurricanes, rip tides, tidal waves, tropical storms.  It can be a dangerous place.

That’s the reason why I love it.

The ocean isn’t my favorite place because it makes me feel less depressed.  It’s my favorite place because it reminds me of Depression. Think about it.  Depression is the ocean. Quiet most days. Going along with its familiar motions.  Sometimes, you might even think things are going better. The thing is, you never know what’s churning underneath the water and what kind of damage it’s going to cause.  That’s from a perspective of outside looking in.

The truth is, us drowning in the water knows what’s going on.  We feel the tides changing. We know the storm is coming. Which isn’t the point I’m getting at.

What I’m trying to say is it’s comforting knowing I’m not the only one living with Depression because I feel like the ocean does also.  And if the ocean can be on this earth since the start of creation and keep being beautiful and lively and strong, then I think I can, too.

I can be by myself at the beach, but I never feel alone.  The sea and I, we get each other and no one else has to.

Equanimity; it means mental calmness and composure.

That’s what I feel.

Emily